Ultimate Silencer

Everyone farts… Whether it be in public, on a date, or during an interview, it happens and we know how embarrassing it can be.

Luckily, a man named “Big Chicken Mushroom” from WuHan, China, has invented the “Fart Silencer”, a small plastic tube that you… um… put in your butt.

The “Silencer” is a small plastic tube with one end that is completely open and the other end having numerous smaller holes in it.

Users are instructed to insert the open end into their butt when they feel a fart is coming. This should eliminate any unwanted sound farts tend to produce.

Users are also instructed to spray a cotton ball with their favorite perfume and put it into the “Fart Silencer” to eliminate any unwanted odor that might occur.

Fart Joke of the Day: Rover!

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Christmas dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.


The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains she has practically make her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and every so gently lets out a very dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof.


Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, "Rover!".


The woman thought, "This is great! He thinks it's the dog!". A big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let out a much louder and longer rrrrrip.


The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Rover!". Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Yes! This is perfect!". A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it nor did she hold back. She ripped a fart so big and so loud that it made the windows vibrate.


Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Damn-it Rover get away from that woman before she craps on you!

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Probably not much of a joke to anybody who’s ever gone to a public school…

NO PANTS SHUFFLE...

Upon realizing that the bathroom in which you have just taken a deuce is void of toilet paper (TP) one must then preform the No pants shuffle which is a sidestepping manuver with the pants around the ankles towards a source of TP intended to prevent anything from touching the undergarments or back of knees. This should preferable be a clandestine and undetectable opperation.

Staten Island man angry at his pregnant ex-girlfriend arrested for flaming excrement attack

A Staten Island man angry at his pregnant ex-girlfriend smeared excrement on her apartment door and set it on fire, authorities said Tuesday.

Neither the six-months pregnant girlfriend, her two small children with another man, or a fourth person inside the apartment were injured.

The suspect, Rasheen Harrison, 24, was arrested Sunday morning at the scene -- a building on Vanderbilt Ave.

But he wasn't done yet, authorities said.

Harrison relieved himself inside a cell at the 120th Precinct stationhouse and decorated the walls there with his excrement, forcing police to take him to Bellevue Hospital for a psychiatric observation.

He was later charged with arson, criminal mischief, reckless endangerment, menacing and endangering the welfare of a child, said a spokesman for Staten Island District Attorney Daniel Donovan.

Harrison, whose nickname is Illuminati, told police he was angry at his ex-girlfriend because she stole his cell.